So, you’ve made the decision to start homeschooling. You’re excited and maybe a little scared, but ready to jump in and get started! You start Googling all things homeschool related, pouring over curriculums, buying homeschool planners and setting up a super cute homeschool room.
But then, late one night, Google starts throwing this “deschool” word at you. De-WHAT? What IS Deschooling? How do you do it? But most importantly, do YOU need to do it??
Deschooling is a period of adjustment where a child leaves school and begins homeschooling. To truly reap the benefits of homeschooling, a child must decompress and disconnect from the structure and mindset of school and become open to a new way of learning.
The longer a child attends school, the more important is it to allow generous time to adjust to the huge change from not attending school learning as a homeschooler.
What Do You Mean by Deschooling?
Deschooling is the process of adjusting to the idea of homeschooling as the default and school ways as the exception. It is an adjustment period that allows a child to decompress from the traditional school mindset and prepare for a new way of learning.
Deschooling is neither the same as unschooling nor a replacement for traditional homeschool. Rather, it is a transitional period that allows a child’s brain and body to reboot from the traditional school mindset before starting to homeschool.
(If you’re not sure what the difference between unschooling and Deschooling is, you can learn more about that in this post I wrote. )
Deschooling is about giving your children (and yourself) a decompression period to transition from public school to homeschooling.
It’s also rather common for kids who are new to homeschooling to go through a challenging period of time where they feel confused and out of sorts:
- They may refuse to do anything that seems like “schoolwork” while at the same time objecting if you try to get them to learn in a new way, because “that’s not how we did it in school”.
- They may feel like they are floating, with no direction in their days.
- They may decide they hate the curriculum you’re using, and refuse to do the lessons.
- They might be nervous about going to homeschool events and groups and feel out of place or like they don’t belong when meeting other homeschoolers.
- They might experience extreme boredom as a result of not having every minute of their day structured for them.
- They may feel unsure of their abilities to learn outside of school, and need time to gain confidence in themselves.
- They may take a while to reconnect with interests and figure out what it is they truly want to learn about.
- They may need to get used to spending so much time with parents and siblings.
- If they were being bullied or experiencing other unhealthy situations in school, it may take them a while to feel safe again.
- They may need time to feel like they are “on the same side” as mom and dad, and to stop “putting up a fight”.
- They might feel lonely.
- They might grieve old friends, teachers, classes or activities.
- They may have lots of big feelings arise, resulting in tantrums, sulking, rebellious behavior or refusal to participate.
Many parents have found that the best way to navigate these huge changes is allow a period of adjustment, transition and healing before jumping into homeschooling. This is what deschooling is all about. It’s not uncommon for a new homeschool family to begin the first days, weeks, and months of homeschooling by going through the process of deschooling.
The amount of time it takes to complete the deschooling process is different for everyone. I wrote a blog post exploring how long it can potentially take to deschool, so be sure to go read that when you are done here.
Who Needs to Deschool?
Deschooling is usually used when going from public school to homeschooing. It is a way of easing your way into homeschooling and trying out homeschool after school.
Does every family that chooses to homeschool need to do deschooling? No, not necessarily.
Some families will do just great transitioning into homeschooling with no need for deschooling. Each family is unique, so each family’s experience will be unique.
If you’ve been very minimally affected by your school experience switching to homeschooling might feel easy and natural.
Deschool is a personal choice, so it’s totally okay if you decide not to deschool. But if you do decide to skip the deschooling, don’t feel bad if you discover you need to backtrack a bit.
And even if you choose not to do a full-blown deschooling process, take a breather and give yourself a little space.
What if we have homeschooled from the beginning? Do we still need to deschool?
If you have homeschooled your children from day one, but YOU attended school growing up, you may still benefit from deschooling.
Deschooling is really about rediscovery…rediscovering the joys of learning and everything that goes with it.
Changing your perspective on something when you grew up being heavily influenced through societal norms can be challenging, and you may find your past experiences continue to influence you, despite your best intentions.
Check out my post on the necessity of Deschooling in modern society to learn a little more on this subject.
QUIZ: Do You Need to Deschool?
Almost everyone needs some Deschooling! If you can honestly answer NO to all of the questions below, then you might not need to deschool.
| Have You Ever… | Yes | No |
| Sent your kids to private school? | ||
| Sent your kids to alternative schools? (Montessori, etc) | ||
| Sent your kids to public school? | ||
| Gone to school yourself? (elementary/highschool/college etc) | ||
| Homeschooled following a very formal curriculum? | ||
| Made your kids do structured homeschool lessons on a regular schedule? | ||
| Been homeschooled yourself following a traditional curriculum? | ||
| Stressed about getting all of your homeschool done within a certain time frame? |
Be really honest with yourself, and if you find yourself still getting hung up on busy work, busy schedules, to-do lists and artificially imposed expectations, than give yourself the gift of deschooling!
What Do You Do While Deschooling?
So what are you actually meant to DO while deschooling?
You can do lots of stuff, or do nothing at all. You can get up early and go on an adventure, or sleep in late and eat cereal in your Jammies.
The idea is to take a break from structure, expectations and goals.
Allow yourself to just live life and go with the flow! Imagine it’s a lazy weekend and let your kids set the direction for the day.
Ideas for Deschooling
- Reading-just for fun!
- Nature time
- Arts and crafts
- Mindful technology
- Cooking or baking
- Playing with friends
- Board games
- Sports
- Seeing a play
- Going to the movies
- Yard work
- Shopping
- Sewing
- Visiting family
- Going to the library
As a parent, you can facilitate all of these activities, but don’t feel the need to push your child into doing things. Sometimes doing absolutely nothing (even appearing bored) is exactly what your child needs to destress and deprogram.
What are the Benefits of Deschooling My Child?
There are so many benefits to going through a Deschooling process that I feel I could write an entire post just on this subject.
Here are just a few of the many benefits of Deschooling:
Reconnect with your family. Doing relaxed activities together that everyone enjoys will help to grow your bonds with each other and enhance your communication with your children.
Detox from rigid and compartmentalized thinking.
Become aware of false believes and preconceived notions.
Allow natural learning to unfold.
Open the door to creativity and out of the box thinking.
Acknowledge and honor the unique interest, abilities and personalities of each family member.
Rediscover the fun of learning.
Build relationships and create memories with your children.
Sounds awesome, right? And probably a little weird. That’s ok! Embrace the weirdness, it will be worth it, I promise.
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